Chugga chugga chugga chugga

Oh, how everything works around here. I can say this because I'm British too now, so it doesn't sound as bad as an American going on and on about how nothing works around here (because you can then hear the retort,"well why don't you bloody well go back to America you bloody Yank"). And I have agreement from James and our Goddess/Saviour/Nanny too (in fact G/S/N wonders why she lives here every time she returns from abroad - I think it's because of us). Latest irritating developments:

1. F*cking boiler is on the blink - this is the boiler that we put in less than two years ago - whenever the heating goes on it starts going chugga chugga chugga chugga really loud so it sounds like the back of the house is going to explode. Of course when the British Gas man came it didn't make a peep so he went away. Now that it's back I can't get through to British Gas.

2. The British Gas 24-hour help line - we pay for an extended service where they will come and fix boilers, pipes, etc. That's all fine and dandy except when you need them you end up on hold for over a half hour with a very nice lady's voice saying,"We have an exceptionally high volume at this time. Either hang up and try later or hold on the line." Holding doesn't do it. Hanging up and trying later doesn't do it either - you just end up with the same little lady saying the same ol' thing. My thought is that if this is a frequent occurrence then it's not an exceptionally high volume - it's NORMAL. So put some more operators on the line.

3. Our mortgage provider. What can I say? How useless can one be? THREE WEEKS after we started chasing up after the mortgage offer (because our 'proactive' (not) solicitor finally told us she hadn't received the offer from them yet), THREE WEEKS during which our mortgage officer assured us she was chasing up with head office, we find out that head office told our mortgage officer that they needed an original copy of our bank statement....THREE WEEKS ago. We only found out because we chased (again) last Friday and she had gone off on holiday (without mentioning it to us) and someone else looked at the file. Someone sack her please.

4. Our council. We have to pay for parking in our neighbourhood....it's a token amount, £30 a year, so that residents get the benefit of not having to park four blocks from their houses. I have no problem with this, in fact I appreciate it (especially after driving for 3 hours on a Sunday afternoon and the child is sleeping when we arrive home). BUT they are on a different planet at our Parking Store (yes, it is where you go to buy parking passes). Our Goddess/Saviour/Nanny bought a car a few weeks ago and wanted to go buy a parking pass. She was told at the store that she had to get a letter from us stating that she lived at our address, since she has no tenancy agreement with us as she is our employee. She did so, and when she went back the SAME PERSON told her that wouldn't work - she needs to be on the council register as a voter. THAT PERSON told her she didn't live there because she wasn't on the register. What incredible news to us that was. So G/S/N has been using guest parking passes for the past few weeks and will continue to do so until DECEMBER, which is the next time the council will update their register.

What planet am I on?!?!