My mother is a piece of work.
I've lost it quite a few times with her, as has James. The thing I regret most is that I've lost it when the kids were there. So Charlie said to me this morning,"When Khun Yai (Thai name for Grandma) leaves, that means you and Daddy will stop shouting." I almost cried. I am so conscious about trying to raise my kids in a better way than I was, and I really hate when they see my relationship with my mother. I bit my tongue on so many things, but then after a long day I'd just lose it and rant and rave. I just couldn't control myself. And eventually, I was on edge 24/7 (I think it took about a week this time, which shows me I am actually getting more patient).
She insisted on ignoring multiple requests about things.
Like:
"Please leave the balcony door alone - you don't know how to close it and you will break it, thus costing us an arm and a leg to fix it"
"Don't hit my kids - they get smacked as a very last resort, not when they don't finish their dinner, or forget to tidy up"
"Leave that, I'll get it"
"Can you please get ready - we're leaving in 5 minutes" (can you just see this one? "I'm ready! I'm ready!" and then just as we're about to go,"Wait, I need to go to the bathroom"..."and get 15 things"..."where are my shoes?"...."and my bag...")
And she has this need to 'help' all the time. She likes to tidy things up, even when you're still using/playing/drinking out of/eating from them. Or she puts them in some strange place, so that her 'helping' means I have to do three additional steps to correct what she has done.
And don't get me started about having inappropriate things on the tv for the kids. Like shootouts, stabbings, or people banging each other every five minutes.
The funniest (NOT "ha ha funny") thing is how she has no ability to make her own decisions, or do things by herself, when she insists she is fine living by herself (and does seem to feed herself, dress herself, and generally keep herself alive when she is halfway across the world by herself). When we are in restaurants she loses her ability to speak to others, or order for herself ("you order for me! I don't know what I like";"do they have Diet Coke?" - to me, when the waiter is standing right there). At home, she waits (sometimes for an hour) for someone else to pour her a drink or take her breakfast out of the fridge and put it on a plate. When I ask her what kind of food she would like to eat tonight (not what restaurant - just what kind of food), she says,"I don't know anything about this country".
And then the kids started to get frustrated with her and shout at her (things like,"stop telling me what to do all the time, Mummy's the boss!" (which was actually kind of funny), and "I asked you to leave my
And yet, I am sad to see her go. I think because I know that, despite the fact that she has brought it all upon herself and it is her decision to stay where she is, she is sad and lonely when she is at home.
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2 comments:
Oh my gosh!! Alicia, this makes me feel so much better. My mom lives in town, so this happens on a regular basis and it's awful!! I lose my temper finally - for good reason - and they see and she acts like a martyr and the kids look at me with disappointment (this happens a lot, so they know I'm not supposed to talk to my mother than way).
Honestly, I feel your pain!!! Especially about eating. I ask, what do you want to eat/drink? and she always says, I don't know. Or I don't care. Now, I've finally told her, "I have to make enough decisions for myself and kids, I really don't want to have to decide what you're going to drink." It doesn't help, but it makes me feel a little better!
And of course, this all reminds me of one of my favorite movie lines in French Kiss, Meg Ryan asks man, if he's ever loved a woman. He says, I love my mother. She says, "That doesn't count. Everyone loves their mother. Even people that hate their mother, love their mother!!"
Alicia, you've described my mom to a T. it's a constant struggle between love and hate. but at the end of the day i can see the wood for the trees - and it makes me sad - because i realise that my mother's behavior is a result of her loneliness, and now more so than ever.
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